Psychology forum
How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
danica
14-08-2007 01:05
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Now where to begin *clears throat*
Well....
She crys and chucks a tantrum if she doesn't get her way (and she's 7 years old! you would think they would grow out of it!)
she is bossy (she even tries to boss me around)
She does not obey she is the number 1 authority
She is stubborn!
She is attached to me like glue!
She keeps on talking about sex and boobs (she is 7 years old!!!!)
And I swear she never runs out of energy!
Everything has to be fair, otherwise she gets upset "Oh why does (name) get to have this and I DON'T!" *wails* *cries* ~chucks tantrum~
And her favourite quote would be " I want"
What really annoys me is when she bosses me around, I would respond "You cannot tell me what to do" When I tell her to do something she imitates me and says "you can't tell me what to do" (in a flat voice)
Sorry I lot of this sounds like complaining lol! I'm just trying to give you an idea of what she is like....
I try to tolerate her the best I can but I don't have a great deal of patience with her, and I have a bad issue with anger so I snap easily and I absolutely cannot stand having my personal space invaded which she does all the time.
My Nana has all her grandchildren out at her house to sleep over, so I spend approx 2-3 weeks with them.
Sometimes I need air and some time to myself but its hard with this demanding cousin.
She can cause upset for both my Nana and her older sister who has to put up with her every single day (she sometimes cries she gets so frustrated with her)
We both do the best we can, but i'd like to have a few methods up my sleeve to help deal with her, and I can also share them with her older sister.
Our only tactics so far is to make her go out and catch a butterfly for us... that rids of her for a short while, or get her to run around the block a few times then try to trick her into going to bed...
this is not easy and only covers a bit of our time.
She tries to compete, the difficulty is she feels challenged because there is such a huge age gap.
How can I deal with this head-ache?
Thanks
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
emerson
14-08-2007 01:06
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Girl, just leave it. i know its frustrating, ive experienced similiar things...
but shes young, so shell probably get over it, or, alternatively, shell lose interest in you and cling to somebody else instead, which is undesirable i guess.
try not to let it bother you.
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
tallan
14-08-2007 01:12
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I know that when she is older she should hopefully mature, and I don't want her to hate me or anything. But in the meantime how can I deal with this? She is not someone you can easily ignore.
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
lanod
14-08-2007 01:12
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have a scotch when shes around
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
ciara
14-08-2007 01:16
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okay seriously, perhaps you could organize to "be busy" everytime shes over, or explain to your folks that she annoys you and youd rather keep your meetings with her brief and few.
you could do something that you can both enjoy, and put her in an environment in which she doesnt feel that she needs to win your favor. it seems to me that she quite desperately wants to ingratiate herself with you. hence the obsession with sex and "boobs". maybe she wants to be funny and seem more mature to you?
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
mike
14-08-2007 01:21
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I cannot prevent seeing her, we all go out to Nana's on the holidays.
And my Nana does know how much of a handful she is.
We explain to her that the "boobs" joke is not really all that funny, and she doesn't even know what sex is.
I'm not sure how to get her in a non compatative environment, we also want to enjoy ourselves without having to compliment too much for her.
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
jedi
14-08-2007 01:24
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Since your cousin is 7 years old she is still in the beginning cusps of Concrete Operations (one of Piaget's developmental stages). In this stage children only see black and white. They do not understand that gray areas exist. She can't fathom why you can tell her what to do but she can not tell you what to do because she sees you both as children even though you are older, she does not understand that there is a difference. The fact that she talks about sex and boobs is probably because these things are present in her environment. She either hears people on TV taling about them alot or even in her own house. Telling her that the jokes are not funny should help, but if something is funny that she says make sure that you don't laugh becasue that will only reinforce the negative behavior. You say that she is attached to you like glue, how is her relationship with her own mother? at the age of six children start to identify with the parent of the same gender. If her mother is emotionaly unavailable or just not around she may be identifying with you because you are. Her favorite thing to say is "I want" that sounds like a lot of little kids to me.. I think that is something that her parents should probably work on with her. I don't think that their is much that you can do about that unless you see her everyday. Also you mentioned that she has an older sister, How does she act with her. Is you cousin also as attached to her older sister? if not try to find out what her older sister does differently than you do. Are you older than you're cousins older sister? if so than it would make sense that she is trying to identify with you because you would be one of the older female role models.
Nex time you see you're cousin try doing something with her that she wants to do for like an hour or so. Then tell her that you too are going to do something that you want to do... Read a book even if she does the same thing as you she will be quiet and learning at the same time. honestly most young children have short attention spans. She may start to find you boring and thereby be less clingy..
I hope some of this helps,
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
emerson
14-08-2007 01:30
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Yep she indeed has a short attention span...
People at her school talk about sex and boobs etc. and she does see this also on T.V
She is attached like clue in a way that she follows us around everywhere constantly invading personal space, even sitting on top of me, trying to kiss me (she knows I can't stand getting kissed thats why she does it)
She does what I don't like I think mainly because she wants a reaction out of me, negative or positive, and if I try to ignore her she only increases her bad behavior until I do give her some attention.
Her older sister is only 1 year younger than me, but I too have an older sister who is 3 years older than me.
So that would be 7, 14, 15, 18 thats our ages.
There is a fair bit of a sibling rivalry between the two, except her older sister compliments a lot for her younger sister but however is totally sick of it, because there seems to be a bit of a 'favourtism' with the parents.
We do try to spend time with her then have time to ourselves but that doesn't really work because she wants to be involved with EVERYTHING we do.
One thing, it may be minor but it is annoying and it should give you another idea of what she is like...
There is a rocking chair I like to sit on, my favourite chair in the lounge
Whenever I go to sit on it, she runs up and sits on it She looks at me for a reaction and laughs.
And the worst would be when we are sitting in the car... She would even open the door and say she's gonna run off, I say "don't!" ina serious voice and she only laughs and does it more and if I ignore her she still continues.
She pulls my hair, crawls on top of me, constantly sings (I use my MP3 player to block her out, but that only makes her worse)
She is exposed to a lot of bad behavior at school and at her creche as well as T.V she even had a friend who had ADD...
Yep I know "I want" is a common thing, but it still drives me mental!
Its hard, as much as I try to tolerate her I still have my own personal issues with anger and invasion of personal space, and she is very good at pushing my buttons.
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
jedi
14-08-2007 01:32
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Like you said she is looking for attention positive or negative.. why she is looking so despretly for the attention i really am not sure.. It makes sense that there is some "favortisim" though I think what may appear as favortisim is really the parents wish to keep her young as long as possible. Her sister is 14, you are 15, and your sister is 18. Your cousin's parents are probably trying to hold on as long as possible. This may also explain the behavior she exhibits. She is probaby their last child so naturally the parents want to keep her young as long as possible. as children get older they become more and more independent especailly as they get into their teen years. I am sure her parents see this happening with there older daughter and are just trying in a way to prevent it from happening with the 7 year old daughter. This is most likely unconscious, though it may be conscious in some aspects as well... I think that the only ones who are really going to be able to stop this behavior are the parents.
You had mentioned that she had a freind who had ADD. It is true that children pick up behavior from other children through observational learning (Bandura came up with/tested this theory). So if your cousin sees her friend doing something and getting attention from others than she may be imitating the same behavior in hopes of a similar result.
I really do believe that she gets a lot of attention from her parents because she is so much younger than all of the other children. She probably expects this attention from everyone else as well.. This definitly is a problem and I think that it is only one that your cousin's parents can solve...
Best of Luck,
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
keane
14-08-2007 01:46
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I didn't read hardly any of your posts, Evanescence, but i did notice your use of "Emoticons." From this i can tell that you're sometimes happy, sad, frustrated, inquisitive, really happy, and angry. I don't have kids, but i sometimes find myself around them, at these times I ask the parents if they might "shut the little f**k up." Have you tried this?
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
ciara
14-08-2007 02:02
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Hello again I am back from my week of torture
Yes I do like emoticons....
Anyways, it turns out that her behavior is only getting worse, she is the 'Popular girl' at her school, and she lacks respect towards others.
My cousin who is her sister has mentioned an increase in her behavior... by the way I got her age wrong, she is 8 years old
I tried asking her a few questions... I took this opportunity when she asked me to interview her for fun.
From what I gathered she says she wants to go first in everything because if she does she feels "special" ~In other words she would get attention for it and feel all great about it, she is quite a bad winner and a sore loser as well, she would cry and get all upset when she loses and she shows off and makes a huge deal about it when she wins
My older sister would describe her as a "show off" and I would describe her as an "attention seeker"
She is the sort of person who wants attention no matter what, good or bad.
She often says to her sister that she hates her, that she wishes she was never her sister etc.
She even goes to the extent that she would slap and hit you to get what she wants be force!
I also asked her why she thinks she is the boss, her responce was "because I get everything my own way"
Which is also true because her mother and my Nana gives in to her all the time and through all the tears and tantrums she gets what she wants!
Now I know there really isn't much I can do, I am only a cousin, I will be seeing her again in future, so I would like some tips and ideas on how to handle her....
Thanks
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
hooligan
14-08-2007 02:04
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I suggest you give her a bit of her own medicine... she IS getting attention...
Do thing your way, if she sticks around, ignore her... she's only seven, but you could also treat as an adult... explain ONCE how youwork, and then do it... if she knocks her head in the walls, let her be... she'll just realize it's not an effective way to cope...
It seems cruel, but sometimes it works...
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
joyride
14-08-2007 02:21
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How you considered utilizing some behavior modification? Possibly utilizing penalties and positive reinforcers?
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
estralla
14-08-2007 02:25
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I think that behavioral therapy is an interesting idea for this case... the only thing to remeber is to be consistant and make sure you are only reinforcing the positive behaviors.. Punishers really only work when they are applied right after the unwanted behavior occurs... Lots of behaviorists and behavioral therapists agree that the best way to condition is through reinforcers rather than punishers...
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Re: How do deal with an annoying little brat? |
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